I love Valentine’s Day. I know this is an unpopular opinion, as it is a made up Hallmark Holiday created just to make money or something like that- but I don’t care. I don’t understand why that makes people so mad in the first place- a made up holiday. Every holiday is made up at some point, and any chance to celebrate, decorate, or have a good time is worth it to me. But I really do love Valentine’s Day, specifically. I love flowers, I think pink is my favorite color as much as I hate to admit it, and I love love. You can’t tell me that passing out valentines in elementary school was not just the best thing ever. You got to choose a set of valentines, pick which friend got which one, pass them out, and receive your own. Not to mention, it made the butterflies of having a crush twice as fluttery, eye contact was twice as exciting, and their specific valentines were always the favorite. Snacks at work, hearts stuck to windows, flower overload at the grocery stores. It’s the best. Plus, as a personal winter-hater, it shines a little light in a boring winter. However, the reason I really truly absolutely enjoy Valentine’s Day now, is because it is another excuse to profess my love to my absolute favorite human in the world.
Before we jump into it, let me tell you a story that has to do with love. My entire childhood, I had always dreamt of someone coming up to my porch and giving me a bouquet of flowers. That was my dream. Do you have a romantic dream? A picnic, a snowy date, a vineyard walk? Well, mine for a long time was flowers. Someone either coming to the door, or being on the porch when I got home, holding a big bouquet of flowers. Every crush I had, I would dream of that scenario. Every guy I broke up with, I would secretly wish for them to show up with flowers anyway. I had dreamt of this scene since I can remember. And yet, guys would come and go and it never happened. Guys I was talking to, going to dances with, half dating, really dating, secretly dating, what have you- I would wait for the day where they would walk to my door and hand me a bouquet of flowers and that day never came. After a while, I would joke that the first man to bring me a bouquet of flowers to my doorstep was going to be the man that I would marry. I was desperate for those flowers, and I dreamt daily about the man who would eventually make my dream come true.
Have you ever been so in love that you don’t know what to do with it? I love my fiancé Eric so much that I could explode. There are no words, no time, and no amount of experiences that could possibly describe the immense passion, admiration, and absolute infatuation I have with this man. Since the very day we went on our first date, every breath and thought and decision I have had since that night have been for Eric Timothy Smith. We are known for being obsessed with each other. So many people are still waiting for our honeymoon phase to fade, but as we are soon to enter year 5, I don’t see it coming soon. If anything, my love for him is so much bigger than it ever has been. When we started dating, we had no idea where it was going to go. We barely knew each other past the surface level and yet we knew that there was something right about it. I knew it was going to last a long time, if not forever. Something about him was different.
It was 2018 and Eric and I had grown close. Friends only, of course. He was just a family friend that I had known for a year, and I wasn’t trying to date anyone at the time anyway. That was new for me. Everyone made jokes that we were more than friends, but my cute little buddy Eric was the only guy around who hadn’t gawked at me or awkwardly tried to flirt with me, so I was certain he had no intention of dating me. No creepy passes over text, no weird sexual conversations, no teenaged shirtless photos, no creepy staring from across the room. Thus, from my experience at the time, he definitely wasn’t into me. Besides, he was just my cute buddy Eric and I mostly just saw him as a friend anyway. That was until I opened the door to pick him up on the first night that we hung out as just the two of us. My buddy Eric opened the door clean shaven, with styled hair, a fresh outfit, and standing a little taller than I had remembered. My heart sank to my toes. Maybe this was a date? But either way holy heck he was so handsome, and I was about to go to dinner with him. We had just planned on grabbing Chick-fil-a and walking around Target. We ended up going to Chick-fil-a, Target, then Kohl’s, Old Navy, Marshall’s, the bowling alley- we just kept going. We talked for 5 hours straight. The next day I took my SAT, which happened to be in Eric’s high school, and I was so distracted by the fact that he may have sat in the chair that I was sitting in before that I could barely focus. I had to retake that SAT, by the way. I was so infatuated that I even applied to the place where he worked that very week. Something about him was different. I couldn’t fully tell if I liked him that way and honestly my trust in dating was low but I knew that no matter what it looked like, I wanted him around for a long long time. He felt like mine from the beginning, even when I didn’t know what that meant yet.
It was weird because the feelings I had around him weren’t the normal whirlwind electric feelings of lust or uncertainty. Instead, from the beginning, being with him felt stable, safe, and like home. The only problem was the question of whether or not he liked me back. He was so respectful that I couldn’t tell if he was just an incredible friend or if he was also planning our wedding already like I was. We got into the pattern of being best friends, going to church together, grabbing coffee all the time, texting all day. But he never went for it, he never made a huge gesture to pay for my coffee or called me the most gorgeous human in the world. I was getting weary. That was until the day we had closed the local coffee shop by talking all afternoon. We both left that day feeling on cloud nine. That evening he texted me and released over a year of feelings. I cannot express the insane joy I felt that night. Along with joy however, came an insane pit of fear. Surely this wouldn’t last. We’d either not be compatible, or he’d only want me for one thing, or it would just fall to hurt like every other experience I’d had. I was scared and needed reassurance. That was until April 24th, 2018 when Eric Timothy Smith walked up to my door to pick me up for a date. He held in his grasp the most beautiful bouquet of flowers that I had ever seen. That was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. The yellow daisies in his hands were just a sweet gesture to him, but to me it meant the world. My dream had come true, and it happened to come true in the hands of the man that I now have the privilege to marry. My long wait for that bouquet of flowers was worth every second, because now I get to say that the only man to bring me flowers is the same man that will bring me flowers for the rest of my life.
So now I just encourage you all in this season of love, to seek the love that will last. I know that I’m young, and I am in absolutely no way an expert on love. I really have only been in love one true time and we’ve been together for less than 5 years. But I will say, it is worth it to wait for the stable. Sometimes toxic or newly exciting is easy to find and exciting to experience. However, the long term richness and joy that comes from a stable love greatly outweighs the short term excitement that follows short term flings. This goes for friends and romance alike. Seek the healthy, seek the peace, seek the stability over instant gratification. Also, of course love yourself first. I hope you all are seeking the best kind of love this February. I am so grateful to have mine.
One response to “Being in Love”
Bethany I Understand Exactly what you are saying-When Louis Held my Hand-For the First Tome-Walking me to class in the 9th. Grade-I KNEW He Was the One for Me!! When he was on his way to pick me up-On our FIRST DATE-I Actually Got SICK and threw-Up🤦🏻♀️That continued for a while🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I am so Happy that you and Eric found one another-but God Already had a Plan-He Knew He Was Right-as HE always Is!! As your Love grows-and it will-you will Always Remember what you just wrote-just as when I Held my Angels Hand for the first Time-😇❤️ I Love You Bethany🌹💖